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May 7th, 2008


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01:24 pm - Wisdom from webcomics
Todays XKCD is as good as always, but also made me think of one of the major reasons that I'm poly - I am unwilling to give up those sorts of moments.
Current Mood: amusedamused

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From:heron61
Date:May 7th, 2008 09:17 pm (UTC)

Re: To better put it

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I completely agree. Poly is a fair amount of work, but IME all romantic relationships are a fair amount of work. Also, poly is definitely not for everyone.
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From:xuenay
Date:May 7th, 2008 09:27 pm (UTC)

Re: To better put it

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One thing I've been wondering - might being poly actually make it easier to have lasting relationships? After all, if you only have a relationship with one person and are with them a lot, it's easy for the two of you to get on each other's nerves quickly. But if both, say, happen to also have a second relationship, they can "take time off" with their other mates and then return to spending time in each other's company afterwards - in roughly the same fashion that varying what you eat prevents you from getting sick and tired of eating your favorite meal every single day.
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From:heron61
Date:May 7th, 2008 09:37 pm (UTC)

Re: To better put it

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Most definitely, but having to manage multiple relationships (especially if your partners are also romantically involved, as is the case with me) makes for a lot of relationships for everyone to manage. On the whole, I greatly prefer polyamory, but except when done in a fairly casual fashion (by which I mean having no more than one primary relationship), it's definitely more work than monogamy.

Also, I can sometimes resent when a primary of mine is spending time with someone else when I want to spend time with them, but otherwise, on a deep emotional levels I simply don't understand jealousy - if I'm having sufficient time with someone, I simply don't see how their spending time (for whatever reason) with someone else would bother me. However, I recognize that for many people jealousy is something very real and powerful, and can't simply be wished out of existence.
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From:heron61
Date:May 7th, 2008 09:48 pm (UTC)

Re: To better put it

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I've never had a problem with polyamory wrt dealing with people I don't like, and I'm quite picky in who I'm willing to spend time with. However, some of that is a mixture of luck and skill in choosing partners. OTOH, for someone who is an introvert, the degree of dealing with people required does seem like it can easily be fairly tiring.
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From:xuenay
Date:May 7th, 2008 09:21 pm (UTC)
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I had my laptop with me at this morning's lecture, and when our professor started talking about stuff that I'd already learned in another course, I went to check happenings online. This included reading that XKCD strip.

I realized that I had a wide amused grin on my face about two seconds after it had appeared, and had to work to keep it suppressed for the rest of the lecture. Fortunately I was sitting in the back row.
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From:badgerbag
Date:May 7th, 2008 09:37 pm (UTC)
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I so agree! And truly, I think no one does give that up. (Thus the huge amount of secret heartbreak, cheating, and divorce in the world.)
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From:geek_dragon
Date:May 8th, 2008 01:21 am (UTC)
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i left my "primary" of 5 years for another 'primary', and i'm thinking of the opposite thing. how in monogamy, and maybe poly too, it's really sad that friendships often don't survive breakups. my ex bfs for the most part aren't friends with me, and it's sad, losing a close friend b/c i don't want to be their monogamous partner anymore.

i don't actually think of my bf as my "primary", even though refreshingly he's poly friendly.

the comic made me smile though.
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From:dancinglights
Date:May 8th, 2008 01:41 pm (UTC)
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me too. and, you know, the last time I tried a monogamous relationship, those moments happened anyway.

(and since they happened anyway and my relationship turned their existence into a choice where I saw no need for one, I eventually chose out.)
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From:kiarrith
Date:May 8th, 2008 02:31 pm (UTC)
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indeed....and as other have already said, those moments DO happen regardless of whether you are mono/married....shrugs. it's still a cute comic though.
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From:thiebes
Date:May 9th, 2008 12:45 am (UTC)
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I am unwilling to give up those sorts of moments.

WORD

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