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Love is Something You Do - Synchronicity swirls and other foolishness

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May 24th, 2010

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03:12 am - Love is Something You Do
Becca, Alice, and I were talking about Madeline L'Engle's books recently and how much of an impact these books had on Becca's ideas about people, morality, and love. That got me thinking of a lesson I learned indirectly from those books (although I noticed it when I reread a A Wrinkle In Time and A Wind in the Door) & that is the lesson that love is not something that springs full-blown into existence or that you stumble into, in the truest sense – love is something you do. What Becca said was that feelings are important, but love is about what you do for and with someone and what they do for and with you.

I remember when she first told me this – Becca and my relationship has always been rock solid, but there were some rough patches early on between Alice and I, and very shortly before Becca, Alice, and I were ready to sign the lease, and all move in together, I had an unexpected bit anxiety about doing this that manifested as doubt about my feelings for Alice – there had been some arguments and I wasn't certain exactly how I felt. Alice quite naturally was upset and scared, and so Becca talked to me about this – it took a while, but after a little bit I understood that temporary doubts or even temporary changes in feeling didn't matter – what mattered was how I choose and what I did, as well as what Alice (and Becca) choose and did, which was immensely freeing and powerful. As a rather fluffy romantic, I had always previously conceptualized love as a thing and not an action, and understanding this is still something that I treasure.
Current Mood: tiredtired

(4 comments | Leave a comment)


[User Picture]
Date:May 24th, 2010 03:46 pm (UTC)
(All of the following strongly IMHO and IME)
Love is definitely a feeling - but I'm always very aware that my feelings vary dramatically, and the peaks of them are momentary. I am intermittently overcome with feelings of love towards Julie, but it's not something that's constant, and it can be overwhelmed or reduced if I'm tired, stressed, angry, or merely distracted by something else. I've found myself worrying about things before when I my feelings weren't so strong, only to feel reassured when they returned in different circumstances.

I do find that sometimes I can get a good indication of my feelings from my actions, when I feel confused about them - if I'm acting in a particular way it's usually down to my emotions being in a particular state.
[User Picture]
Date:May 25th, 2010 03:03 am (UTC)
When I get up the morning while Alison continues to sleep, despite that I am myself exhausted, and I zomb my way through getting the kids breakfast, I perceive that I love her, and that I am very wealthy for it.
[User Picture]
Date:May 25th, 2010 08:44 am (UTC)
My world currently revolves around White Collar, so this post reminded me of a fic. This fic, in fact, which I found both moving and a timely reminder to pay attention to my partner. ;-)
[User Picture]
Date:May 26th, 2010 05:14 pm (UTC)
I'm happy for the three of you.

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